Love, In All Its Complexity

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Since February is the so-called "month of love," with Valentine’s Day at its heart, I wanted to share some musings on love—because, if nothing else, love is fascinating. It’s the one thing, aside from money, that people seem to chase relentlessly. And yet, love remains elusive.

We tend to put romantic love on a pedestal, often valuing it above all else. But love isn’t just about romance. A mother’s love, the deep bond of friendship, the love we feel for chosen family, for animals, for the things that bring us alive—these are just as real, just as valuable. Love is expansive. It doesn’t fit neatly into one definition, and it certainly doesn’t follow a formula.

Love will take us on a journey, whether we like it or not. It asks us to surrender our need for control, to show up in ways we never expected. And often, it is through love—especially the pursuit of romantic love—that we meet our greatest teacher. Love reveals us to ourselves. It brings up our wounds, mirrors back our fears, and shows us how we react, how we hold on, how we let go.

The good news? Love is infinite. It’s always available. But here’s the part no one really wants to hear: love, in all its forms, starts within. It’s an inside job. Not in a “you have to be fully healed before you deserve love” kind of way—because let’s be honest, no one is ever truly done healing—but in the sense that if we don’t cultivate self-love and self-acceptance, we’ll always be chasing something outside of us to fill the gaps.

This applies to all love—romantic, platonic, familial. How we love ourselves shapes how we love others and how we allow ourselves to be loved in return.

One of the reasons I actually love Valentine’s Day (aside from the heart-shaped chocolate, which is always a priority) is that it spotlights love. Strip away the commercialism, and at its core, it reminds us to acknowledge love in all its forms. And yes, love will teach us, stretch us, break us open. It can turn us cynical when it doesn’t go as planned, become addictive for some, and bring out patterns we don’t always want to face. Love, in its rawest form, is complex. Messy. It doesn’t fit into neat little boxes, no matter how much we might try to define it.

But that’s also what makes it magic.

To truly embark on a journey with love, we have to allow ourselves to receive it fully—to expand our capacity for love in ways we may not have considered before. That means being the best lover to ourselves first. Not in a performative self-love kind of way, but in the deep, unwavering kind that nourishes us from within.

Love isn’t just what the movies and media tell us it should be. It’s not just the epic romance, the grand gestures. Love is the thing that fuels us, that guides us back to ourselves like a north star. And, in its purest form, love has the power to save us when we don’t even realize we need saving. The unconditional love of another—the presence of someone who sees us, who holds space for us, who reminds us we are worthy—can be the most healing force there is.

This is why we hear stories of people dying of a broken heart. Love is that powerful.

So as we move through this month, I invite you to reflect on your own relationship with love. Not just the love you give, but the love you receive. Where do you let love in? Where do you resist it? And most of all, how can you become the greatest source of love in your own life? Because if love is going to be the thing that guides us, we might as well start from within.

I’d love to hear your thoughts?

All My Love

Hannah X