Are you willing to surrender......

I’ve written about surrender before, and it’s something that’s thrown around a lot. 

People will say, you just got to let go and surrender, the problem is this is easier said than done sometimes and we all have different ideas around this subject. If you’re someone that try’s to control everything around you letting go can be hard. 

Even if things are going wrong our natural instinct is to hold on, even if it’s stressing us out.

So the first thing we need to do when learning to lean in and feel good with surrender is to get clear on our idea on what it means to us and how it makes us feel and how can we find some grace with it.

Changing our understanding to something and how we feel about it allows us to look at it differently. 

When we start to realise surrender actually allows us to release the grip on something and create space this often allows us to feel relief. When we are caught up in something, aside from stressing us, holding on doesn’t really do anything for the situation, this can apply to something we really want as well.

So getting ok with this concept can only benefit us in our lives and in our human relationships. 

This isn’t to say it will always go to plan and we won’t fight against it, because that happens, we are human with a wide range of emotions. 

Sometimes live gives us no choice but to lean into this, and recently in my life this is what I have been faced with. I don’t usually share personal stuff on posts but thought if this is helpful for someone to hear, and if they are experiencing this in their life. 

It’s funny how I write about ‘finding grace’ and have my podcast all about this, guess this is life giving me some practise.

I try and keep on top things, various practises and do my best for things to align, but I also understand we can’t control everything and sometimes life has a whole other plan. 

I had an important assessment booked, and it got cancelled 3 times two of which I was pretty much was there and at the time I was struggling to let go and see this was all in a divine plan, because all I wanted was to get it over with if I’m honest. I struggled with the internal battle here, and at same time  due to the circumstances around it I knew I also had to speak up and complain. 

So I navigated this, and really had to work at leaning into surrender and find that balance. Often when something negative is happening we put a lot  of importance on it to so it overwhelms us, while it’s important to feel things and honour our feelings, excess importance often makes us feel worse, again finding that balance. 

Thankfully it got sorted in the end, only for me to find the very next day as I was getting ready to go away for a number of days my wheelchair power pack died, my wheelchair is basically my legs for me when I’m going out doing bigger things. So I called the wheelchair company and they luckily had the item and the lady said it would be sent for then next day to my hotel, panic over and I didn’t question this and felt really grateful. 

However it wasn’t there and the company it turns out don’t have weekend delivery and they casually said it’ll be with you Tuesday or Wednesday which at the time was of no use to me ( this would be a literal whole other post, why they don’t have this when you’re dealing with peoples mobility is a whole other question), so I knew I was faced with a dying battery and more days away than it would last. 

I did reach out on twitter but because my chair isn’t common lots of people tried to help but to no avail. The wheel chair died and before it did I had to go easy on what I was doing to eek it out, I felt like I had failed a bit not getting a solution and I hated that the time away had turned in to being all about this situation, so I had to let go I felt brought to my knees in a funny way. I let everyone get on with stuff and rested and stayed where I was, which lets face triggers not only fomo but highlighted to me what I couldn’t do.

SO…… I really had to lean into surrendering and find grace with it and it was a bit of a fight internally, and also me facing my limitations, I didn’t want to feel sorry for myself either, when I live my life focusing on what I can do and making what I can possible. Parts of me got cross because I felt I should be dealing with it better because I have so many tools available to me but the truth is surrender wasn’t just about me letting go of the situation it was me surrendering to myself and really feeling my emotions, to be true surrender and to really let go, its doing it with everything. Even honouring my melt down, sometimes accepting you’re human lol, this allows you to move through things.

I was even able to get back to looking at the positive aspects, which sometimes you gotta dig deep with these. I can see my friend Fab laughing at this because she knows I always  try and look for the positive, and sometimes she’s like ‘you know babe this is shitty, its ok to say it’. 

A shift really happened when I surrendered even though I had no choice and it got me thinking to the build up with this, how we let things build up and how we need to intercept the build up.

The chair when I eventually got home, was sorted out because the part was there, so I’m grateful for this and its made me even more appreciative of the chair.

Surrender is a powerful place even when at the time it seems hard, but being open to this does make things a lot easier believe or not. Surrender is a place where we can find grace.

To any one reading this who’s faced a struggle or been having a tough time I hope this helps. 

I felt really vulnerable sharing but this, but I know is obviously part of my journey about being truly seen. 

I hope everyone has a lovely easter, in whatever way you celebrate it.

All my Love 

Hannah X